I spent the last couple weeks working at the Tour of California. It was a great, but nerve wracking experience. I have been racing my bike forever, but I have never seen a bike race from the inside perspective that I had at the Tour of California. I took on two roles, my first was as a field reporter for Versus, and my second was as a VIP driver in the caravan.
For those of you who haven’t really been involved in bike racing, the caravan is the support that follows the race. Every team has a car in the caravan and riders can go back and get food, clothing, or mechanical support. There is etiquette to driving in the caravan, and while I have seen it many times from the bike, I was nervous to be a driver. That being said, driving VIP’s is different than being in the caravan behind the race. We stay ahead, and when a break forms, we drop behind the break so that the VIP’s can see the race. There will be team cars and riders, but it is never as scary as behind all the riders. My other big worry was that maybe this was the start of pay back from years of wanting to be the last rider to move for cars during races. What comes around goes around… Or so they say..

Anyway, for all my worry, I actually had a blast driving. I have never gone through so many red lights and passed so many smiling waving policemen. It got to the point where I had to actually remind myself after the races that I needed to change my attitude so I wouldn’t be arrested or something!.

My other job was as a field reporter. I have to say that while it looks easy on TV, it is really difficult. I was lucky that they assigned a wonderful woman to help me and coach me. She eased me in and I never felt overwhelmed although sometimes it came very close. I was so glad she was there because I was very nervous, and I trusted her to make sure I didn’t look like a fool.

The most interesting thing to me was that I experienced a huge level of stress that I haven’t felt since I was racing well. The last few years of my career I didn’t ever really feel that nervous stress of having to prove something to myself. When I was riding well in the 90’s and early 2000’s, I raced a lot of times out of fear of failing. I haven’t felt that scared or fear in five or six years. But, I felt it at the Tour of California this year in a totally different context. I felt like I had a big opportunity to try some new things and I really wanted to do well. I had a self induced pressure that had me in bed by 8pm almost every night, and fighting a cold. I was terrified to fail, and ironically it made me feel alive. I have spent the last few years trying to find a life that makes me feel comfortable, and to realize that I’m at my best when I feel huge pressure was an interesting revelation. The balancing act of find a happy medium is going to have to be what I come to terms with in this new phase. I guess my attempt at advice today is that it’s important to realize what it is that drives us. What makes us passionate to move forward. Sometimes being scared is a good motivator, but the most important thing is to use whatever it is that drives you and pursue it because at the end of the day feeling alive is what makes life worth living.

So that’s my two cents for today